


baby tonight (we're beautiful now)

by idontshaveforsher_yesyoudo



Category: Video Blogging RPF, tronnor - Fandom
Genre: Exboyfriends, M/M, famous au, i guess, idk what this is i also don't know how often i'll update i'm a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-10
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-05-01 01:00:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5186210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idontshaveforsher_yesyoudo/pseuds/idontshaveforsher_yesyoudo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"There’s a small moment between the cameras moving to point towards someone else and the next interviewer insisting on his opinion on one topic or the other where he has time to breathe, barely a few seconds, but it’s enough for his eyes to fall on a figure far too familiar to be standing at a place like this."</p><p>the one where troye and connor used to be a couple back in high school but broke up and five years later they meet on a red carpet and a lot of old feelings resurface</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> title from beautiful now by zedd
> 
> as always, english isn't my first language so excuse any possible mistakes
> 
> alright so this is the first time i'm posting something multichaptered & i'm not sure how often i'll update but i'll try

“I think we should break up.”

Troye’s breathing stops. He’s not sure what he expected when Connor came knocking at his window at one in the morning and then proceeded to drag him to the abandoned football pitch behind their school, but it was certainly not this.

Connor continues,

“I think that we should break up. It’s the best solution with you going off to LA to get famous and me going to college. It’s better this way.”

Troye takes in the boy opposite him, the green eyes he knows so well, the mop of fluffy hair, tousled by the fingers he has run through it on their way here in a way that he only does when he’s nervous or scared (and now that Troye thinks about it, he should’ve _known_ ) the mouth he has kissed so many times he can almost taste it right now, kissed with a shy smile on his lips after their first date, kissed passionately behind the art building of their school, kissed simply for the sake of being close at two in the morning, laying cuddled together on either of their beds or spread out on the empty football pitch or sitting on the hood of Connor’s car next to the sunflower field.

He knows it makes sense, knows Connor has always been the more rational out of the two, but he hates the truth. He chews on his lip, looking at the way Connor’s face slightly trembles and his eyes glint with something that, for once, is not mischief.

He moves unconsciously, and before he realises it he’s thrown his arms around Connor, sobbing into his shoulder, and Connor holds him close, tears rolling down his cheeks, and Troye can feel them landing in his hair, can feel the soft fabric of the sweater pressed against his cheek, can feel the warmth engulfing him, and above them the stars shine far too brightly for a goodbye like this.

 

When Troye comes home in the morning with his clothes ruffled and covered in grass stains, his eyes red and puffy and his hair a mess made by fingers far to familiar, his mum just looks at him with a sad smile and lets him brush past her towards his room to pack the remaining things he deems important enough to take with him, taking out all the pictures and souvenirs and everything else already fitted into the box that reminds him of things he doesn’t want to be reminded of right now, until all that’s left is the marble he got on their anniversary, rolling from one palm to the other until it is shoved into his jeans pocket with the air of finality.

 

A few hours later he sits in a car cramped with suitcases and boxes, the marble in the colour of a certain boy’s eyes tightly gripped in a fist, and he’s not sure how to feel as he watches the town he called his home for the last few years getting smaller and smaller in the rear view mirror.


	2. Chapter 2

As soon as his driver opens the door, screams fill the air. Troye steps out and barely has the time for a few autographs and selfies before Emma ushers him towards the first interviewer, a guy in his mid-forties, his professional looking suit and tie stand in contrast with Troye’s black skinny jeans, white button down and boots.

Troye could answer the questions he asks in his sleep, mentally checking off the topics – his album, the upcoming film with Caspar Lee, is he dating Tyler, does he expect to win tonight – and he allows his glance to wander across the red carpet, taking in Harry Styles wearing a shirt that is more unbuttoned than not, Pentatonix’ Kirstie Maldonado with double winged eyeliner, this year’s hosts Dan and Phil jumping from one celebrity to another, mic and camera always ready, and he briefly wonders what his life has become before he gets pushed towards the wall where he gets his official pictures taken, smiling at the flashes with practiced ease, doing what the photographers want him to do, _look over here Troye, could you please move a bit to the right, smile, turn your head a bit for us,_ and as a constant background soundtrack the screaming of hundreds of fans.

There’s a small moment between the cameras moving to point towards someone else and the next interviewer insisting on his opinion on one topic or the other where he has time to breathe, barely a few seconds, but it’s enough for his eyes to fall on a figure far too familiar to be standing at a place like this.

Emma grabs his arm and drags him towards another mic before he understands what he just saw, and he would’ve been fine with that if it hadn’t been the hand holding it, the hand he used to hold years ago, the hand belonging to someone who, in Troye’s opinion, is still the most gorgeous person he has ever laid his eyes on, even more so now that he’s all grown up, hair short and flopping into his face, eyes green like that marble, and Troye slips his hand into his pocket to feel the familiar, calming cold in his palm, because _of course_ he still carries it everywhere with him.

There’s that moment where blue eyes meet green ones and everything seems to stop moving, and then it’s back to normal and Connor – fucking _Connor_ – smiles a practiced smile at him and brings the microphone up to his mouth.

“And next up we got a surprise guest – who by the way was a surprise for me too, as you can probably see – none other than Troye Sivan.” He looks at the card in his hand, eyebrows shooting up when he sees what it says. “Troye, your new album came out three months ago and has been at the top of the charts _ever since_. Three words to describe it?”

It takes Troye a second to drag his mind of the question of _when the fuck did his voice get so nice and also what the fuck is he doing here why is he interviewing me what is going on_ and he smirks as he answers what he always answers, only with the difference that this time, the interviewer knows the story behind it:

“Dark alternative pop.”

Connor grins, and Troye can only guess if he’s thinking of that one afternoon, too, when he played him a new song and Connor called it _dark-ish pop but also kind of alternative_ and Troye mumbled how maybe _dark alternative pop_ could be his type of music.

There’s a small smirk playing on Connor’s lips as he continues to ask the questions that everyone asks, and his bubbly personality and bright eyes somehow make them seem a bit more interesting than they usually are. They also make Troye blush several times in the two minutes, although that might have been because of the way Connor’s dark blue dress shirt fits him perfectly and his lips moving are still as mesmerising now as they were back then and seeing his hands on the microphone make him think back to a few things that are definitely not PG enough to be suited for a red carpet.

Before he knows it, the questions are over and he gets pushed towards the next interviewer, but all the hurry doesn’t stop him from looking over to where Connor is at any free moment, watching him talk to various celebrities, and he can’t help but think that he is completely _mesmerising_ , and he doesn’t stop staring until Emma ushers him towards the door to go inside and sit down to await the presentation.

\--

Winning an award is never not nerve wracking.

After Troye walks on stage and receives his trophy from Dan and Phil with a hug and a few pats on the back each and the promise to hang out soon, he stand at the microphone and starts speaking, his hands sweaty and his heart pumping in his chest because holy fuck, he just won an award for his album, and even if he has won things before it’s still amazing to him that he could ever make it this far.

“Thank you so much.” The crowd settles down to listen to his words. “I would like to thank my family and my friends at home for supporting me from the start, my manager Emma who has become so much more than just that the past few years, the people at the label for making my album come true, and my best friend Tyler”- a few hollers and whistles go through the crowd because apparently people still seem to find pleasure in the joy that is shipping them-“for bringing me pizza at two in the morning whenever I had a writing block and also a mental breakdown.” He stocks for a second, wondering if he should risk it, then decides, yes, he has nothing to loose, so he continues, “I would also like to dedicate this to my first boyfriend, who gave me the courage to follow my dreams and helped me make it through the past years, even if he wasn’t with me. I’ve done so many things because I remembered you believing in me, and I remember you always telling me that I’d win an award for a full length album one day, and you were right in the end. It’s been a while now, but I guess you’ll always have a special place in my heart. Thank you.”

There’s aww-ing and the applause starts again, and Troye gets swept off the stage to be surrounded by a bubble of people congratulating him, but his eyes look around the room in search of the one person he wants to see right now, and they find Connor sitting in the crowd, staring back at him before he buries his head in his hands and Troye turns back to thank another producer and listen to Tyler’s plans for celebrating.


	3. Chapter 3

The light coming through the blinds is far too bright when Troye opens his eyes. He groans loudly and pulls the covers up as high as possible, but they don’t really help much and after a few minutes of struggling with sleep he slowly sits up. It takes a moment for the room to stop spinning and he runs his fingers through his hair in an attempt to wake up.

After the award show yesterday, Tyler and him went to a party including far too many shots in a row, dancing, more shots, ordering pizza for everybody, sharing his pizza with Cara Delavigne, drunken tweeting about how happy he is, drunkenly tweeting a selfie of him squished between Cara and Harry Styles and, for some reason, a pug wearing a tiara, and then calling a taxi to get home some when around three in the morning.

He rolls over and grabs his phone on the bedside table, squinting at the time. It’s ten thirty and he knows he should get up to search some coffee and a handful of painkillers, but his bed is warm and soft, so he stays and opens twitter.

He starts at the bottom of his timeline scrolling up, reading tweets from yesterday evening of people congratulating him, sees that the hashtag #ProudOfTroye is still trending worldwide, when his eyes fall on the trend one place above which is #hearteyestroye. He clicks on it and is confronted with a handful of clips from his various interviews the night before, and every time he’s looking behind him or to the side with the same look of confusion mixed with something that can only be described as _complete adoration_.

But the biggest part of the tag are pics and gifs from his interview with Connor, because while the other man manages to at least keep some sort of professional face, Troye is just blatantly staring at him as if he is the sun itself and he knows he’s fucked when he reads a tweet of a fan describing the look as ‘ _heart eyes howell and love eyes lester combined and multiplied by seven_ ’.

The next thing he does is type his name into the Google search bar and tab on the first link that appears, an article of a random website.

**_Troye Sivan in love?_ **

_After winning another award for his debut album_ Blue Neighbourhood _yesterday, singer Troye Sivan made everyone tear up a little by dedicating it to his first boyfriend with an emotional speech, saying that he helped him getting to where he is today and that he will always have a special place in his heart. In other news of his love life, earlier in the evening the twenty three old seemed very distracted during an interview with vlogger and actor Connor Franta. Sivan couldn’t keep his eyes of his interviewer’s lips during the entirety of the video that Connor uploaded to his YouTube channel this morning. The youtuber, who, like Troye, has been out as gay to his audience since he started vlogging back in 2010, wasn’t better off, checking out the singer constantly during the interview, even if he did so more subtle than Troye. Although they have never had any sort of interaction before, the question remains if they have any backstory we don’t know of, or if they were simply enjoying each other’s good looks. We have to say that they would make an awfully cute couple._

He lets his phone sink and stares at the wall, trying to understand how much he fucked up.

He sits there for a few minutes before the shrill ringing of his phone wake him out of his thoughts.

“Hello?”

“Who is he? Where did you meet? What’s your relationship status? Tell me everything-“

“Woah, slow down Ty. Why are you even awake?”

“Because the world doesn’t stop turning just because you win an award and luckily I decided to check twitter just now. Have you seen the hashtags?”

“Yes I have, don’t wor- wait, hashtags?” Troye frowns, he only knows of one.

“Well, there’s the heart eyes Troye one, then there’s #tronnor and #connorinlove, and then there’s a few that aren’t trending anymore.”

Groaning, Troye puts his head in his hands. “Fuck. I’m so dead.”

Tyler giggles. “Yes you are, babe, yes you are.”

\--

When Troye walks into the conference room later that day he is expecting anything but the sudden, bone-crushing hug Emma pulls him in.

“I’m so proud of you. And also I love you.”

He laughs, unsure of what that’s supposed to mean. “Thanks. But didn’t I fuck up with the whole tronnor thing?”

She is now practically beaming, gesturing him to sit down. He does so while nodding at everyone else at the table as a greeting.

“So…” he begins, but gets interrupted by one of the guys in a suit that he doesn’t remember the name of.

“First of all, congratulations about the album.” Troye thanks him quietly and the man continues. “Now, I have to say, that performance during the interview yesterday was absolutely brilliant. Just what we needed as promo for your new single.” He leans forward a bit. “We have decided to use the opportunity and – if you are okay with it, which I very much hope – cast Connor Franta as your boyfriend in your next music video.”

A woman with a pencil skirt speaks up. “This would of course not include any fake dating, you made it clear in the beginning that you don’t want that, but it’s good for promoting both your music and Franta’s new movie.”

They continue to speak about details of the contract he will have to sign, but Troye isn’t really listening.

 

The first two years after Connor were hell. Of course not everything, he was signed with the label and he met Tyler and Dan and Phil and started to hang out with celebrities left and right, but more nights than not he laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking of Connor and how much he would love to show him everything and introduce him to everybody and make them jealous with how good his boyfriend looked.

There wasn’t really anyone special back then, and his friends soon stopped asking him about his love life when they noticed that it was a sore topic for him. Then, he had met Josh.

Josh was perfect, he was a radio presenter and listened to Troye’s music and liked walks on the beach and loved Asian food, but at one point Troye noticed that every time he looked into Josh’s eyes he compared their brown to the green of someone else and when they kissed he missed the taste of the strawberry lip balm Connor always used and when they ate sushi he always ordered the wrong kind because it was what Connor used to get, and Josh was sweet and he understood and ate it anyway but in the end he realised that Troye would never be completely his and they broke up after a year with a tight hug. After a night spent at Tyler’s stuffing his face with ice cream he was over Josh and that was that.

The last two years there were a few dates here and there but never anything serious. But he was making progress, he was getting better, and it just wasn’t _fair_ of Connor to just appear out of the blue and make his world topple over again.

 

“Troye? Are you listening?”

As he looks up, everyone at the table is staring at him, clearly awaiting an answer. Suddenly he doesn’t get enough air and he feels himself panic.

“Can I… Can I get a moment to process this?”

The woman in the pencil skirt smiles kindly. “Of course. Let’s take a coffee break and afterwards you can decide.”

As soon as the words are out of her mouth, Troye pushes his chair back and runs out of the room. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm really sorry that this is so late but between christmas and school starting again and having a writers block i couldn't finish anything until today, hope you enjoy it though

“Now tell me everything from the beginning.”

Tyler places a mug of tea on the counter in front of Troye and sits down on the chair across of him.

Troye stares into the steaming drink, thinking of where to begin.

“I met Connor back in high school. We had just moved from Australia into this small town and he lived one street over and we were fast friends, best friends even. He was the first person I came out to. At this point I was already crushing on him, and it only got worse with time.”

He sips at the cup.

“A year later he knocks at my window late at night, and we went down to the football pitch behind our school like we always did, and he broke down crying and told me he might be gay, too, and I held him and told him I was proud of him… The next thing I knew he pressed his lips to mine and it was like a dream come true. Turns out he liked me too and a month later he asks me to be his boyfriend and it’s done.”

He smiles at the memory of shy Connor standing under his window once again and pushing a rose into his hand, mumbling the one question.

“Long story short, he came out, we came out as a couple, everyone was great about it, we even won cutest couple in the yearbook. Then, last night before I moved away, he tells me it’s better if we’re not together because of the distance and it would be hard and whatever.”

He swallows. The tea can’t make the dryness of his throat go away.

“Anyway, I didn’t see him again until yesterday evening. Apparently, he’s an actor now. They asked me if it’s okay if he plays my boyfriend in the music video for _Suburbia_. Pretending to be a cutesy couple and shit.”

“You said yes?”

“Of course I did. What was I supposed to do? It’s perfect promo, I couldn’t tell them he’s my ex, could I? And the thing is, I thought I was over him, and then I see him standing there and everything comes back up and he looks as if it doesn’t bother him anymore. And I just – I miss him so much, Tyler. It’s been so long and I still miss him and now I’m going to pretend to be his boyfriend for a few days and afterwards we’ll part again and I’ll be left behind just as broken as I was five years ago.”

He frowns, he didn’t even realise he felt this way until just right now, but once he started talking it all makes sense.

The looks Tyler gives him isn’t pity, it’s more complete sadness for him and he moves over and hugs Troye tightly, and for the first time in quite a while, Troye allows himself to let the tears fall.

“Oh, Troye. What have you gotten yourself into?”

\--

Time moves too fast and too slow at the same time until the day Troye has to be on set for the video. They decided to film it in both his and Connor’s hometown because it’s what the song is about and the scenery is beautiful and they can combine it with a bit of promo for both of them because of course everyone likes to see a possible couple going home together for a few days.

Troye arrives two days early to spend some time with his parents. It’s nice to be back, nice to eat the meals his mum creates, nice to talk to people he used to know, old friends and acquaintances and teachers.

On the second day he gets sent off by his mum to buy bread after breakfast and he spends his morning sitting in the bakery he used to work in to earn some money during holidays, chatting with the old lady who still runs the shop. Most of the customers that come in know him and join in the conversation, some of them hugging him and squeezing his cheek and ruffling his hair and telling him that they heard one of his songs on the radio last week and if it’s his video that will be filmed here tomorrow and he hasn’t been this calm and content in ages.

The doorbell rings once again and a cheery voice exclaims, “Hi Mrs Cooper!”

Troye’s head snaps up because of course sooner or later he was going to meet Connor but he didn’t expect it to be this early and he isn’t _ready_.

Mrs Cooper greets the newcomer and starts talking about how nice it is to have the two of them home at the same time, oh, and weren’t you two inseparable back in high school?

When Connor’s glance falls on Troye and their eyes meet, Troye feels like he might faint. The moment feels so familiar, done a thousand times, the smell of the bakery engulfing them, Mrs Cooper chatting in the background, him staring at Connor, _Connor staring at him_. And the moment is over as quickly as it came but for a few seconds Troye felt nothing but the warmth of _home_.

It’s terrifying.

Connor seems to be caught up in the moment just like Troye, and they stand there facing each other, neither saying anything until,

“Do you-“

“Is it-“

They stop, and laugh a bit, and Connor makes a sign for Troye to talk first. He opens his mouth tentatively.

“I was wondering if you, perhaps, would like to, you know-“ he takes a deep breath and rushes out, “do you want to take a walk and maybe, like, catch up a bit?”

The corners of Connor’s lips pull up in a shy smile.

“Sure. I just need to get some bread for my mum and then we can go, if that’s okay with you?”

Troye waits until Connor finishes his purchases and they tell goodbye to Mrs Cooper and walk out the door.

It’s warm outside and Troye is glad that he is only wearing a t-shirt as he and Connor head into the direction of the small park the village has. The silence between them isn’t necessarily uncomfortable but it’s too tense to be comfortable.

Troye is the first to speak up.

“So, how did you end up on the red carpet? Why acting?”

Connor shakes his head a bit. “I’m not really an actor so to speak, I did two movies, but that’s that. The reason why I was there is more because I’m a quite popular vlogger,“ he stops, and Troye confirms with a nod that he knows what it is, “and I often interview celebrities, although never as big as that thing a few weeks ago…”

The silence somehow feels less tense than before.

“You know, I bough your album after that evening.”

Connor’s voice is soft, and it still sounds the same as it always did when he spoke about Troye’s music.

“Do you like it?” And even though he technically has no reason to be, Troye is still as nervous as he always was when he showed Connor some of his music.

Connor stops walking. “Troye, it’s brilliant.” He sounds almost breathless as he continues, “It’s so good, like, the music and the lyrics and your voice, Troye, your voice still kills me. It’s a masterpiece.”

Troye looks down, blushes. He didn’t expect such an honest answer.

“Well, then I’ll have to check out your work soon.”

Connor smiles and it’s like something broke a dam, and they start talking for real, they find out they both live in LA now, Troye tells about recording his album and writing with such amazing artist, artists they both love, and Connor talks about YouTube and conventions and they find a bench to sit on and don’t leave it until the sun is high and they get hungry and really should go home.

When they part where their separate roads meet, Connor pulls Troye into his arms and hugs him tightly, lets his smell engulf him, and Troye feels like now he is truly home.

They part with smiles on their faces and an exited feeling for the coming day.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am SO SORRY that this took forever and i'll try to update sooner please forgive me

It’s the first day of the shoot and of course Troye oversleeps.

He doesn’t actually, because half an hour after his alarm went off his mum comes in and wakes him up, but when you plan in an hour to get ready, loosing thirty minutes is definitely a factor of stress.

He has a quick shower and when he comes downstairs clothed and still drying his hair with a towel, his dad presses a cup of coffee into his hand and ten minutes later he’s out of the door, a beanie crammed over his curly, still damp hair.

When he arrives on set Emma ushers him to get his make up and hair done, and after he puts on the clothes that someone presses into his hands, he’s ready for the shoot.

Or so he thinks.

The idea of the video is simple: Troye walks through his hometown while singing the song and everywhere he looks he has memories of the time he still lived here and it’s supposed to be all cute and pretty and Troye likes the idea but the only problem is that the reality is a bit different.

Because the memories he has mostly include him and his boyfriend and that wouldn’t even be a problem if his boyfriend wasn’t played by Connor.

So now Troye has to deal with a Connor who jokes around with the camera guy who he apparently knows and smiles brightly at everyone – including Troye when he goes over to say hello – and has that energetic happiness surrounding him that makes you feel like you belong.

They start off easy, just a bit of hugging and walking and looking happy, saving the kissing for later, but Troye’s hand is still sweaty when Connor grabs it, and he just can’t get into the character when all he can think about is how Connor’s hand just seems to fit into his perfectly.

They do three takes that just don’t feel _right_ when Connor asks for a quick break and pulls Troye aside.

“Hey, you alright?”

Troye’s smile is tense. He knows that he’s fucking up, knows that usually he doesn’t have a problem with this kind of shoots but today it’s all different because this is _Connor_ and as much as he tells himself that he’s over the other man, deep down he knows that he isn’t.

But instead of getting mad at him, Connor’s standing in front of him asking if he’s _alright_ , and if that isn’t the most Connor thing he doesn’t know what is.

Connor continues.

“Listen, I know that this is awkward, but can we put the past away for the next few days and just enjoy this? Because God knows that I missed my best friend and yesterday only showed me that more than ever. So can we just pretend – even if it’s only for this week – that nothing happened and we’re still friends? Not, like, boyfriends or anything, but just, friends?” He threads his hands through his perfectly styled hair and groans. “I’m not making any sense, am I?”

Troye grabs his hands and holds them between his own, and then, with a tentative smile, murmurs,

“Don’t want to ruin the art.”

Connor seems to understand what he means like he always does – has – and his face lights up.

“Well then, lets go impress them with our acting skills.”

Troye giggles and pulls him towards the cameras again.

\--

During the next three days Troye learns how Connor’s hand fits into his, learns that Connor still uses the same strawberry lip balm, learns that his hair is a lot fluffier now than it was back then. He spends his evenings binge watching Connor’s videos and he can’t say he doesn’t understand why everyone is completely obsessed with him.

When they’re not filming, the two of them are either goofing around on set or sitting somewhere catching up after all the years they haven’t seen each other.

It’s on the third day in the late afternoon after about five takes of a scene where the lightning just would never look acceptable, according to the director, and everyone’s frustrated, when Troye’s phone rings.

They all agree to take a quick break and Troye distances himself and accepts the call.

“Babe! How are you? What’s going on? Why have I not heard of you in three days?”

Against the tiredness and frustration, Troye’s face splits into a wide grin.

“Tyler, hi, I’m fine, what about you?”

“Yeah, great, but this is not about me. How are things going with the boy?”

Troye sits on a bench and leans back, closing his eyes and enjoys the sun hitting his face.

“It’s going great, actually. We decided to be friends, at least for the week, and it’s been really nice talking again.”

Tyler sighs. “Just be careful, okay?”

“What of?”

Hesitation, then, “Don’t fall for him again. It won’t end well.”

“I won’t, promise. It’s strictly platonic.”

Tyler seems to sense the end of the conversation and starts talking about a petty movie star he interviewed that day and Troye lets himself get carried away by the voice of his friend.

He opens his eyes again when a shadow falls on him and looks up at Connor.

“You okay?”

Troye smiles at the concern.

“Everything fine, yeah.”

Tyler seems to have heard the exchange because he interrupts his story.

“Who are you talking to? Is that him? What’s he saying? Put me on speaker I wanna hear.”

“Tyler, chill.” Troye puts his phone on speaker. “You’re on speaker now.”

Connor looks at him confused and he mouths to _just go with it_ , so the other man mumbles a quiet _hey_.

“Hey there! I’m Tyler, and you are?”

Connor answers with his name, but gets interrupted by the director shouting over that break’s over.

“Listen, Ty, I gotta go but I’ll talk to you later?”

“Sure, babe. Give Laurelle my love.”

“Will do.”

Troye ends the call and stands up.

“Lets go, then.”

\--

They finished filming everything and they’re enjoying their last day in their hometown laying somewhere in the local park on the grass when Connor brings the topic of the future up.

“What are we gonna do after this is over?”

Troye decides to be honest, with himself and with Connor.

“I don’t know.”

“I mean, do we still talk? Can I still text you? Call you?”

“Yeah, of course.”

Without realising what he’s doing, his hand finds Connor’s and their fingers lace together.

They stay like that until the sun goes down, and when they walk home their hands stay together until they have to part.

He turns to look at Connor and finds him already look back, and suddenly they’re clinging to each other for a few breathless moments and when they let go it feels very much like a goodbye to him.

\--

When Troye arrives at his flat he gets welcomed by Tyler laying on his couch watching TV and collapses into his best friend’s awaiting arms. Hands threat through his curls and it's silent for a while, the only sound coming from the TV until Tyler murmurs,

“You okay?”

Troye hums and nestles closer to his chest. “Fine.”

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i know it has been ages and i am so sorry but like my inspiration was gone and well here goes nothing  
> i'm probably gonna do two more chapters at the most, maybe only one.

Connor doesn’t text, and neither does Troye.

On that first night back, Tyler decides they need to have a proper sleepover and they go out again to buy snacks. They get stopped by a few fans asking for selfies and when they get back home #TroylerDateNight is trending worldwide on twitter. They watch two random movies and then spend an hour going through the tag, giggling at the theories people come up with and passing a bottle of Jack Daniels between them. Before they pass out in a tangle of limbs on Troye’s bed, Tyler hugs him close and whispers,

“It’s nice to have you back.”

The next morning, Troye wakes up to a hangover and a notification on his phone that Connor Franta is following him on twitter and when he opens the app _Connor and Troye_ is trending and Troye hesitates just for a second before he presses the follow button on Connors profile.

And when Troye likes one of Connors tweets about one of his favourite artist, which happens to be one of Troyes favourite artists, everyone loses their mind again, and when Troye teases his fans with the perspective of a music video and Connor likes the tweet it doesn’t really help the hysteria.

So, Troye doesn’t text and neither does Connor but their lives are still tangled in a way.

Two weeks later, Emma sends him the first cut of the video. Troye doesn’t watch it until Tyler comes over later that day. They sit down on the couch together and Tyler presses play for him because he physically can’t -

It’s beautiful.

All the time spent trying to find the perfect angle and the perfect lightning really was worth it because now all looks sort of dreamlike and artistic and Troye is in love with how he and Connor look together, fitting in every way. It’s exactly what he envisioned the video to be and more.

So the next few days he does what he does best: teasing his fans, posting screenshots of hands tangled and houses bathed in sunlight, always telling them the video will come “soon”. He doesn’t know why his fans hate him, he really doesn’t.

And then the video gets uploaded and everyone loses their shit.

The people shipping them multiply in numbers Troye doesn’t want to know, theories and fan art and fiction and blogs, suddenly everybody has them kissing or holding hands or smiling at each other as profile picture.

He might cry a bit in Tyler’s arms that evening because he’s still overwhelmed by how many people support him, especially if it’s a video that mostly consists of him kissing a man, but also because it hurts seeing everyone thinking that they are a couple and happy when they are the opposite.

\--

Its two weeks later and they are both at the Billboard Music Awards, Troye because he is both nominated and performing tonight and Connor because he is representing his record label – because of course Connor has a record label, why not – and naturally, they have an interview together.

Troye smiles at Connor tentatively and gets a little wave back and that’s all the interaction they get before the camera is on and the interviewer starts with her question. She’s nice, asking them individual things first and only then starts on the things everyone wants to know.

“So Connor, you appear in the music video of Troye’s new single Suburbia.”

Connor smiles brightly and nods.

“Can either of you tell me what the video is about? Troye?”

“Well, its basically about my hometown, Perth, and about the little town in Minnesota where I moved to when I was fifteen and how, no matter what happens in my life, I will always be able to return there.” He bites his lip. “The video itself just basically shows a cute, idyllic love story. Con here plays my boyfriend.”

The lady’s eyes twinkle and it’s only then that Troye realises how easy he slipped back into using the old nicknames and he feels his cheek redden. Luckily the woman continues.

“In a speech a while ago you dedicated the award you won to your first boyfriend. Is the character Connor plays based on that boy or is he made up?”

Troye glances to the man standing next to him who is chewing on his bottom lip.

“He, um, he had a few attributes that Connor has, too, but in general was quite different, I think.”

The interviewer nods and reads the next question from her card, and it’s the question Troye has been expecting all along.

“Now, there have been a lot of speculations about you two being a romantic couple in real life. Can you confirm those rumours?”

They both avoid each other’s glances, Troye rubs his neck, Connor smiles sheepishly and answers,

“No, we are in fact just friends. Sorry to disappoint.”

Troye’s hand slips into his left pocket and closes around the marble. The coldness of it calms him down a bit and he feels like this has all happened before already.

The lady asks a few more questions on work on set and then they’re off again.

It’s almost time to go backstage and prepare for Troye, so he begins to walk towards the entrance after checking with Emma that he doesn’t have any other obligations, his hand still closed around the small marble.

\--

The performance goes great, everyone loves the new single. He’s still running on adrenaline when he runs off the stage and he doesn’t look where he’s going until he’s bumping into someone.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to –“ He breaks off when he realises that the person is Connor. “Hey”. He hates that his voice sounds breathless.

Connor seems to be transfixed by his lips – he can’t be, Troye must’ve misinterpreted – and he only answers with a “Hi.” a few moments too late.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m going to announce the next act in a few minutes. But like, never mind, Troye, fucking hell, you were _brilliant_.” His smile is so wide it must hurt his cheeks and his eyes are filled with something Troye would call admiration if he didn’t know better.

He grins. “Really?”

“Yeah, like, totally. I really need to come to one of your concerts once.”

“Just text me, I’ll get you tickets.”

They stay like that, smiling at each other, until someone interrupts them and tells Connor that he’s on soon and then there’s suddenly a lot of people and they get swept away and that’s that.

Troye looks after Connor and catches him looking back, and then look away quickly.

It’s the first time that Troye lets himself think of the possibility of him not being the only one who still has feelings for someone.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know its late i'm sorry these messages always seem to have the same content oh well

 

Troye has done a lot of things in his life. He has moved alone from a tiny town in Minnesota to LA when he was eighteen, he went skydiving twice, had a tarantula crawl over his arm, and jumped off the highest bungee jump there is. But nothing beats the adrenaline of winning a fucking _Billboard Award_.

He walks up the stage, hugs the people who announced his win, accepts the award and stands behind the podium. He looks into the crowd and his hand slips into his pocket to find the cold marble.

His speech is uneventful, he thanks his family and his team and his band and Emma, and then he moves off the stage again under applause and everything just feels surreal.

His phone is blowing up, friends and family congratulating him, he falls into Emma’s waiting arms backstage and takes a deep breath, calms himself down enough to try to wrap his head around what just happened.

\--

The next day starts with a hangover, coffee, and, after he feels a bit better, avocado on toast. He scrolls through his mentions while eating, and almost tears up at the amount of love and support it shows.

(There’s also a shitload of pics of him celebrating, dancing with people left and right, there’s a quite cute video from someone’s snapchat of him and Olly from Years & Years swaying through the room in waltzing position and one of him doing shots from Matt Healy’s stomach, which, wow.)

Then follow his texts, most of them filled with emotions shown in an abundance of emoji and caps lock, but probably the one that means the most to him is an one-liner sent by a contact called simply _Connor._

_So incredibly proud of you._

Troye lets himself linger on it for a few seconds and then dials his mum’s number.

When someone picks up his ears are filled with screaming, because apparently his entire family is sitting on the other end to congratulate him. He almost starts crying right then, and he definitely does when his mum tells him how incredibly proud she is.

They talk on speaker for a while and then she takes the phone and chats to him alone about this and that, catching up on their lives. It takes a while until she brings up that she saw the interview with Connor and what is going on between them.

Troye rubs his face.

“Honestly, I have no clue. Like, we made a deal to be friends so it wouldn’t be awkward during filming and it was amazing but I really don’t know what we’re supposed to do now.”

“If you don’t mind me asking…” She sounds tentative. “What actually happened to you two all those years ago? You never told us and I didn’t want to ask but maybe now you’re ready?”

His hand closes around the marble that lies on the table in front of him.

“Not much happened. We met up the night before I left and he said he thought we should break up because of distance and us being busy and it was probably the best thing back then, I don’t know. Didn’t hurt less, though.”

His mum makes a sad sound. “Oh honey.”

He smiles a bit and then clears his throat.

“Nothing to be done about it now.”

“I did see that interview, you know? And the one before that? And to me it looked like both of you were at least still a bit interested. Saying this as your friend, not your mother.”

He swallows.

“Do you really think-“

He hears her laugh against his ear and can’t help but feel a little lighter, even if he won’t start hoping yet. (Or so he tells himself.)

“Honey, I remember the two of you in high school and those dopey looks definitely haven’t disappeared, they’re just well hidden now. If you want my advice, then if you still have feelings, which I believe you do, then talk to him. You’ve nothing to loose.”

His heart beats far too fast, but she does have a point. Why shouldn’t he give it a try?

“I’ll see what I’m gonna do. But thank you.”

They say their goodbyes and she tells him again that she’s incredibly proud of him and when he puts his phone down, its with a smile on his face and his heart even lighter that before.

He opens a new message and thinks for a moment before typing out a word and presses send before he can start doubting it.

_Coffee?_

\--

It’s fine. Everything’s great – except it isn’t.

Because Troye’s supposed to leave to have coffee with Connor in a bit more than an hour and he’s _freaking out_.

Tyler’s lying on his bed watching him pace the room.

“What if he doesn’t like me like that anymore, what if it’ll be awkward, what if he hates me, what if something happens and we never speak again what if – “

His friend sighs.

“Babe, calm down. It’ll be fine. And you’ve gone the past years without talking to him, you’ll be fine if he’s stupid enough to turn you down. Not that I think that’ll happen.”

“But what if – “

“None of that. Now let’s focus on what you’ll wear.”

Troye was planning on just a pair of skinny jeans and a comfy shirt to not give the air of having dressed up, but Tyler’s having none of it.

He convinces him to at least wear the blue striped shirt he bought in Amsterdam and then helps him with his hair and repaints his nails white and is overall very considerate and caring and the familiar sound of his chatter calms Troye down like nothing else could.

So when it’s time to leave he looks good and his outfit is on point and his nerves are calmed down to at least a decent amount. Tyler hugs him close and kisses his cheek, whishing him good luck and it’s only when he sits in his car and starts the motor when he realises that this is _real_ and his heart starts beating up to his throat again.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay okay i know it's been ages but i sat down and finally finished it. it's soppy and kinda sucks but at least i'm posting it. 
> 
> thank you to everyone who left kudus and comments through the time i wrote this.
> 
> hope you like it.

When he arrives at the café where they agreed to meet he’s five minutes early and Connor isn’t there yet, so he sits down at a table at the window and has a look around the room.

Connor suggested the place and it’s just like a place Connor would visit often, big windows filling the room with light, cosy chairs and cute flowers and artistic photographs and soft music playing in the background making it look kind of hipster but not too hipster for Troye to find it pretentious.

He listens up when he notices the song playing as one of an artist that Connor recommended on his last compilation who’s music Troye has been obsessed with ever since buying the album. He’s humming along to it when the soft chiming of the bells above the door announce a customer and Troye looks up to see Connor.

His smile towards the waiter combined with the soft yellow shirt he’s wearing immediately seem make the room brighter and when the smile gets directed towards Troye he smiles back tentatively and wills his cheeks not to flush.

They greet each other with a quick hug and Connor orders coffee for both of them and they settle down face to face at a round table by the window.

They sit there in silence for a minute. Troye puts his hands around his mug and searches for a way he should start but can’t find it.

It’s Connor who speaks up first.

“Congratulations on your Billboard Award again.”

Troye smiles and thanks him but Connor continues,

“Listen, we could spend the next hour with exchanging pleasantries, but I’m guessing there’s a reason why you wanted to meet?”

Troye takes a deep breath.

“Okay, so… look, I know we split five years ago. And after a while I got over us. You. Or, you know, I thought I did. And then I met you again without any time to prepare myself and somewhere you shouldn’t have been. And my world got turned over again and suddenly you were everywhere and then filming with you, it showed me how much I missed you the past years.” He takes a break and looks up from where he’s been staring at his hands folded around the mug of coffee, looks at Connor because he needs him to know how much he means this, all of it. “And I know you’re not the same person you were back then, and I’m not the same person, and maybe I’m just protecting because I remember us fitting so well in the past, but if you maybe, I don’t know, would be up for it, I’d like to give it another try, the two of us.”

He exhales and Connor nods.

“I’d like that very much.”

“Honestly?”

And Connor smiles and his cheeks are redder than just a minute ago and he reaches over the table to take Troye’s hand.

“Of course.”

And Troye feels a grin spreading across his cheeks and he doesn’t remember when he last felt this happy.

\--

They take it slow.

They go on dates and get to know each other again because, frankly, years apart have changed them quite a bit.

So they take it slow, have coffee together a few more times, go to the movies and share popcorn, have dinner together, and at the end of every date Connor wishes him a good night and presses a kiss to his cheek.

One night they have dinner on the beach and they stay until it’s late and the moon is high and Troye watches as Connor leans on his hands with his head thrown back, looking at the stars above them. And his cheeks are flushed from the wine they had earlier and his hair is tousled and his eyes are shining in the light of the streetlamps in the distance, and Troye can’t help but move forward and curve his hand around Connors neck to pull him closer and press their lips together.

And even though they kissed while shooting the video, this is real and Troye’s entire body is buzzing and the kiss feels simultaneously like no time has passed and like it’s been ages since they last properly kissed and they still fit together perfectly, hands in hair and on waists and Troye can’t help but smile against Connor’s lips and then Connor starts smiling too and then the kiss is less a kiss and more them smiling against each other’s lips and that’s _perfectly fine_ with Troye, it’s all just _so perfectly fine_.

And later they lie back and look up at the stars and Troye has his head on Connor’s chest like he used to when they were younger, only that he’s had a grow spurt since then and it doesn’t fit as well anymore but it has always been their position lying down so they make it work.

And Troye’s hand moves into his pocket and closes around cold stone and he smiles at the heartbeat against his hear.

“You know what I kept all these years?”

“What?”

“Remember the marble you bought me on our one year anniversary? The one that’s the colour of your eyes?”

Connor barks out a laugh.

“You kept that?”

And all Troye can do is open Connor’s palm and lay the marble into it and then fold Connor’s fingers over it.

“Of course I did. Always carried a piece of you around with me. Made me feel safe.”

And it’s quiet for a while as they look up to the stars together, and then he whispers something else.

“You make me feel safe.”

\--

It’s half a year later and Troye’s at the same award show as he was when he met Connor again, and they just called his name for Best Music Video and he can’t stop grinning as Connor kisses his cheek and he gets upstage and hugs the presenters and looks into the room filled with applauding guests. It quiets down as Troye moves towards the microphone and clears his throat.

“Thank you. Firstly, I’d like to thank my family, my manager, my team, my friends, and of course all of my supporters and fans. I wouldn’t be where I am without you. Thank you for making a dream possible.

Last year I dedicated this award in a very heartfelt speech to my first ever boyfriend. Today I’m here to dedicate it to my current boyfriend, for being there for me any time I need someone, and to my first ever boyfriend, for never stopping to believe in me. And then I’d like to thank both of them for playing the role of my boyfriend in this video and making it possible in the first place. You’re amazing and I love you more than I can put into words.”

He smiles and his eyes find Connor’s and his hands close around the marble in his pocket that Connor slipped into it this morning because he wanted him to ‘have something of me when you go up that stage to accept your award’.

And really all he can say is,

“Thank you.”


End file.
